This past year was a difficult transition. My boys have turned eighteen and they are now "men". Young men actually but still they have grown up and I have been deprived regular access to them by their mother. I reflect upon how much of their youth I have missed. Nighttime stories I wanted to read to them, conversations that we never had during the middle of the night when they could not sleep. I miss my boys. I miss holding them in my arms, feeling their skin against mine, their hearts beating to my heart, a heartfelt symphony. I chose to leave a destructive, abusive marriage to their mother to save myself and insulate the boys from the madness. I grew up in a verbally and physically abusive family bred generations earlier I suppose. I promised the boys when they were in their cribs that I would break the cycle so that they would not have to endure the daily abuse that permeated my childhood and my marriage to their mother. I am very sad that she chose to lie to the boys about their father. I love my boys with my entire being. I have sacrificed much to ensure their safety. I have provided tremendous financial support to them and hope, one day, they understand the magnitude of my love and commitment to them. In four months they will graduate from high school and embark on the next chapters of their lives as college students. My hope for the New Year is their safety, health and inspiration. I love you, Billy and Matt.
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